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How To Deal With Your Ex-husband's New Girlfriend
Many of us find a new mate immediately after divorce. Your ex-husband may be one of them. This can be hard on you emotionally. My own ex took no break whatsoever. His relationship was the cause of our breakup. She moved in with him two months after he left my home. She left him after little more than a year. I was elated.
Her departure was satisfying on several levels. My feelings stemmed from my own hurt, and they also came from the disruption and pain she'd brought to my children's lives. But I admit that revenge was a factor. I liked the feeling that my ex was finally getting his comeuppance. Now he would feel the sting of rejection. I wanted him to suffer this. I had good reason. He had thrown out 13 years of marriage, and I wanted him to pay for it.
His girlfriend had been a painful reminder of all that, and I couldn't help but feel relief that her life no longer intersected with mine or my children's.
But these feelings of relief and satisfaction were quickly tempered by the fact that he soon found another girlfriend. I decided that any woman was better than the last, but still I wondered, how could anyone want to date a broke, often-unemployed, overweight, balding man?
His new girlfriend was only 24, 14 years younger than he was. She seemed nice enough, but deep down it still bothered me that he was happy. Despite all the books I had read on spirituality, forgiveness, and love, I still felt rage.
Try as I might, I couldn't understand these feelings. I no longer had any physical attraction to this man. I didn't even like him. Why would I care? The real reason was that I wanted him to suffer for what he had done to me.
It is normal to have confusing feelings long after the divorce is final. An ex's new partner can stir hostility whenever she comes in contact with your children. This is inevitable. Your life has been turned upside down. The familiar and routine are changed forever. Even if your marriage was filled with anger, it was still the life you knew. Some inmates find security in a prison cell. Marriage can be the same.
With divorce new people enter your life, some not by choice. You must find a way to deal with your ex's new love. This is difficult if you are not currently in a relationship yourself. Why him, but not me? You ask over and over.
You feel you are a good person, and you deserve love. You feel as if your ex deserves loneliness and pain. Stop taking it personally. The right person will show up. Though it may not seem so now, he will arrive at exactly the right moment. Be cautious. Look before you leap. There's no need to risk repeating a painful experience. Take your ex's success as an omen. You know that if it can happen to him quickly, you too will find love. If his new love proves fleeting, don't rejoice or worry about it. The longer you wait the better chance you have for a truly lasting love.
Don't jump into something just to prove yourself. This is not a competition. This is a serious search for a love that will last a lifetime. You do not need to suffer again.
That doesn't mean you should ignore your negative emotions. Release them. Talk to a friend or therapist. Punch a pillow. Wait until you are alone, then call your ex every dirty name in the book. Shout it and scream it. Let all of it go. Let go of all of the pain, hurt, and betrayal. The process may take months, or even years, but you will feel better in time.
That special someone will come, and your divorce will fade into memory. You will no longer harbor hateful feelings toward your ex. You will come to accept your ex for who he is, and wish him well.
About the Author
Christina Rowe is the author of the new book "Seven Secrets To A Successful Divorce-What Every Woman Needs To Know". Find out the survival skills that will save you time, money and heartache during your divorce. For your free chapter of the book go to: http://www.secretsofdivorce.com
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A Cheater Checker? New Software Provides an Inexpensive, Sure-Fire Way to Catch Your Cheating Partner
Cheating is everywhere! Did you know that one in two people in a relationship cheat on their partner. What's worse is that two out of three people being cheated on never find out. For example, a shy person can communicate or chat with dozens of people online in a given night; but that same person might not ever approach a single person out in the real world - like at a bar, let's say. Do you feel your partner may be having an affair, but you're not sure? More people than ever before are using the Internet to cheat on their partner, and experts agree that infidelity rates are on the increase, especially in women. With online dating sites, social networks, chat forums, email and instant messengers, it is incredibly easy to meet people you would otherwise probably never have contact with. In fact, 9 out of 10 people feel cheating is easier today than ever before due to the Internet, emails and instant messengers. "One thing to consider," says CEO of Pandora Corporation, Manny Coats, "is that people seem to step outside of themselves when communicating over the computer. In many cases, they are more upfront or a lot bolder than they would ever be in real life." He continues, "For example, a shy person can communicate or chat with dozens of people online in a given night; but that same person might not ever approach a single person out in the real world - like at a bar, let's say." Because of the avenues and channels the Internet unlocks - not to mention the comfort of anonymity, the use of computers for purposes of carrying out an affair has surged. In fact, almost everyone who is cheating has either used their computer to start the affair or - at the very least - is using the computer to keep in touch with that person. "It's just too easy to get away with," says Coats. And he's right. People using the PC to cheat are easily covering their tracks by using secret email addresses and deleting browser history. Some go one step further and use various programs and tools that wipeout data to cover up their tracks. They are confident that their wife, husband, or significant other will never find out ... They didn't count on this! Cheater Checker is the latest in PC monitoring software, developed with all of the "cheater helper" programs in mind. The program provides a reliable and affordable avenue for those who feel they are being wronged by their partners to find out what's really going on. Coats explains, "It's like your own private detective that will take snapshots and record everything that your spouse/significant other does on the PC - very much like a TiVo for your PC. No matter how well they think they are coving their tracks - it won't matter. You see exactly what they were seeing .... every screen shot, every email, everything they typed -- nothing escapes Cheater Checker. And to top it all off, you can set the program up to email you the captured information so that you have access to it at any time, no matter where you're at." The full potential of the software is outlined in this promo video: http://www.cheaterchecker.com/new2/video.phpIf you feel your spouse or partner is sneaking around behind your back, and using the PC to do so - Cheater Checker is the solution. Coats remarks, "Our software is pretty straight-forward, very easy to use ... and certainly cheaper than a hired private detective. For less than the cost of a tank of gas, you can get peace of mind by having the truth revealed to you instantly." More Cheating Stats: 57% of women cheat on their partner ... and this trend is rising 3 out of 4 married men cheat on their wife 1 in 3 people who have chatted online or emailed the opposite sex have turned at least one of those instances into an actual real-life meeting that ended up in sex 1 in 2 people who consider themselves happily married, have also cheated on their spouse 9 out of 10 women who think they are being cheated on, are correct! A free guide is available at www.CheaterChecker.com that reveals the 29 signs your partner may be cheating. Note: Available for interviews and comments is the CEO of Pandora Corporation, Manny Coats. Products can be sent for your trial use. About Cheater Checker: Pandora Corporation was formed with one goal - to help our customers monitor, control and protect their families and themselves online. First released in mid 2005, PC Pandora has been constantly upgraded to industry-leading specifications. The program has received accolades from users, reviewers and even school districts and law enforcement agencies, who use the program to help in the day-to-day supervision of the children and citizens they are charged with protecting. The recently released Cheater Checker was released with the victims of online cheaters in mind. Now those who are being wronged, or are suspicious that their partner is not being faithful, have an easier way to check on their mates. Check on your cheating partner at www.cheaterchecker.com. New York, NY ( PRWEB) March 14, 2007
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At 12:02 PM, Leo
Hope you don't mind if I linked this article to a post on my site. It has relevance and I found your post to be very interesting. thanks!
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5 Things You Shouldn't Do If He's Cheating On You
This may be the most important article you'll read about dealing with your husband's affair. There's plenty of information available on what to do if your husband is cheating. But very little has been written about the things you shouldn't do. Your husband is cheating. You're not sure what to do. Before wrestling with that decision, let's focus first on what you SHOULDN'T do. Most women react blindly when they find out their husbands are having an affair. They let fear, anger, hurt, or a desire for revenge compel them to do things they later regret -- things which make it difficult or impossible to implement any worthwhile infidelity advice they may later receive. This article will keep you from making a mistake that could sabotage the course of action you eventually decide to take. Regardless of whether you decide to leave your husband or stay with him and try to work things out, doing the wrong thing at the outset can make a bad situation worse. Let's look at 5 key things you SHOULDN'T do and examine the reasons why. 1. Don't put him out or leave him - yet. Instead of your first move, putting your husband out or leaving him should be your last resort. You may eventually decide to do this, but for now, it's the worst thing you can do. Right now you need to keep a close eye on what's going on. It'll be easier to do that if the two of you are still living under the same roof. If you put him out or leave, you'll be hard-pressed to know what he's doing, short of hiring an investigator. As long as you're still together, you can keep your finger on the pulse of his affair and gather some much-needed facts. There's a lot you need to know about the situation before you can make an intelligent decision about what to do. Continue monitoring your husband's activities, attitude, the frequency of his contact with his lover and any other details concerning his affair. Write everything down in a journal for future use. Also bear in mind that as long as he's still there, you have a chance to work things out. 2. Don't tell the whole world about his infidelity. It's natural to want to confide in somebody about your husband's affair, or rally friends and family to your side. But be very cautious about who you tell. The female friend you confide in could turn out to be the "other woman." Make sure you're confiding in someone you know you can trust. Confiding in a male friend about your husband's affair could complicate the situation. There are men out there who take advantage of women when they're in a vulnerable state. Telling your husband's friends or family may not produce the results you want. They might not take you seriously, or they may lie, make excuses for him, take his side, or warn him to cover his tracks. Confiding in your own family and friends can eventually come back to haunt you. Elephants aren't the only ones who never forget. Some people have a tendency to remember unpleasant events long after they've been resolved. If you and your husband decide to reconcile, they could make things difficult by harboring anger and hostility toward him for what he did to you. Or they may show resentment toward you for taking him back. Exercise caution in who you tell about your husband's affair. 3. Don't ignore his affair or pretend it's not happening. Going into denial will only make matters worse. As traumatic as it is to find out that your husband has been cheating, you need to face the reality of the situation. Ignoring his infidelity gives him the go-ahead to continue his affair. Pretending it's not happening will make him think he's getting away with his cheating, or give him the impression that he has your silent approval. At some point you should inform your husband that you know about his affair and make it clear that you want it to stop. The sooner you confront him about his cheating, the better. The longer you wait to bring it up and express your disapproval, the more attached he will become to the other woman. And the harder it will be to get your marriage back on track. Remember too, that affairs thrive in secrecy. Sometimes, just telling your husband you know about it, will be enough to put a stop to his affair. 4. Don't confront him without the 3 P's - Proof, a Plan, and a Purpose. Most experts agree that you should confront your husband about his cheating. But you need to have a plan. Choose the time and place carefully so you can discuss the affair at length without interruption. Do not ask your husband if he's cheating. Cheaters lie. Present the evidence you've gathered that proves he's having an affair - names, dates, places, times, absences, phone calls, physical evidence, etc. Then ask him some pointed questions about his affair: why he did it, how it started, how long it's been going on, how he feels about the other woman, what he intends to do now that you know. Listen carefully to his answers so you can accurately assess the situation. Then you'll be able to make a wise decision about what course of action to take. Do not confront your husband without proof of his infidelity. To do so will be a colossal waste of time. Unless you can prove he's been cheating, the information-gathering phase will never get off the ground. If you need proof, there's a way for you to get it without hiring a detective or buying software or surveillance equipment. "Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs" will help you find all the proof you need using only your eyes and ears, your personal knowledge of your husband, and the information in this book. 5. Don't waste your time and energy on the other woman. One of the worst things you can do is become obsessed with the other woman. It's natural for you to be curious about her, but she's not worth your time and energy. Repeatedly questioning your husband about her, referring to her or dragging her name into the conversation puts the spotlight on her instead of on the real issues where it belongs. Don't obsess over the details of what happened between the two them. Concentrate on working things out between the two of you. Do not humiliate or frustrate yourself by calling or confronting the other woman and demanding that she leave your husband alone. She's not obligated to take orders from you. Harassing her or threatening her will put you on the wrong side of the law. Name-calling, criticizing or belittling the her will only make your husband come to her defense. You'll be driving them closer together instead of forcing them apart Forget about the other woman and focus your energy and efforts on getting your marriage back on track. Will you end up sabotaging your marriage or saving it? The final outcome depends on the way you handle things when you first discover your husband's affair. In the initial stages, you may be unsure exactly what you're going to do. But at least you know what NOT to do. Whether you stay with your husband or leave him, avoiding these mistakes, leaves the way clear for whatever decision you eventually make. Copyright 2003 Ruth Houston About the Author Ruth Houston is the author of "Is He Cheating on You?-829 Telltale Signs." To learn more about her book, sign up for her infidelity newsletter, or receive a FREE Infidelity report and list of 29 Telltale Signs, visit her website at http://www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com or mail to: CheatingSigns@aol.com
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Ultimate Divorce Vacation at Grand Velas Resort in Nuevo Vallarta
Recently divorced and wondering where to go and what to do with the diamond wedding ring? The deluxe all-inclusive Grand Velas All Suites & Spa Resort, a recipient of the AAA Five Diamond Award, is offering the Ultimate Divorcee Vacation. This new package provides an ocean-view Master or Parlor Suite while pampering with a four-hour "Diamond Divorce" spa experience and a private consultation with a jeweler to explore the ultimate challenge - what to do with the 'bling'? If the divorce settlement is high, the guest can trade up to a three bedroom suite with spa room for a girls' getaway. The Ultimate Divorcee Vacation at this luxury beachfront resort on Mexico's Pacific Coast also includes: all meals including a la carte gourmet choices for French, Italian or Mexican cuisine; unlimited premium brand wine and liquor; salsa and meringue dance lessons; access to the Life Fitness Center; 24-hour in-suite room service; fully-stocked mini-bar; taxes and gratuities; and more. From now through May 12, 2007, the package is $1,077 per night for single occupancy and $638 per person per night based on double occupancy. From May 13th - December 21st, 2007, the package is $879 single occupancy and $537 per person per night based on double occupancy. Guests can also opt for the three-bedroom Imperial Suite for $6,238 per night. For more information call 1-877-398-2784 or visit www.grandvelas.com. The four-course "Diamond Divorce" spa experience includes a body exfoliation with crystallized honey, massage, facial, a "Diamond Manicure & Pedicure" and a Grand Velas Spa hydrotherapy ritual. The 16,500 square foot spa is the crown jewel of Grand Velas Resort and a member of Leading Spas of the World. Spa Grand Velas features 20 treatment rooms, 80 spa treatments, a high-performance gym and exercise room, spa boutique and a beauty salon. Treatments are grouped into 10 collections, including Wellness (specialized massages that improve health and well-being), New Skin (exfoliating treatments dedicated to revitalizing the skin), and Vital Body (body wraps and treatments that help achieve the perfect body), as well as Nirvana, Aqua, Solar, Prestige, Four Hands, Perfect Forms and Relaxing. In Nuevo Vallarta, Mexico, Grand Velas All Suites & Spa Resort is a member of The Leading Hotels of the World. Located just 15 minutes north of Puerto Vallarta on Banderas Bay, Grand Velas features 267 ocean-view suites, ultra spacious Spa Suites in the resort's new tower and new three-bedroom and two-bedroom Imperial Suites. Five restaurants, three of which are gourmet, feature stylish decor and a la carte choices for French, Italian or Mexican cuisine. The resort also offers tiered three-temperature infinity pools with iPod minis, tennis court and special entertainment and activity program. Nuevo Vallarta, Mexico ( PRWEB) March 8, 2007
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When Cheating Happens - Is Saying Sorry Enough
The dictionary defines cheating as: "To violate rules deliberately" and "To act dishonestly; practice fraud." When someone "...violate rules" and "...act dishonestly" people tend to stop trusting the person who caused the violation of trust. Trust is one of the most important aspects of any relationship and a broken trust is hard to mend and certainly never forgotten. While men and women may occasionally glance at someone other than their loved one, most do not act on the impulse of visual stimulation and it remains just a brief moment of looking at someone else. (That doesn't make it right; it's just a natural response to beauty. A brief glance is different than turning around to look JFI.) Cheating is the worst violation of trust in a relationship and is the cause of many break-ups. Why do people cheat? There are many reasons that are usually given, none of which excuse the dishonest act and erase the memory of it, nor are they valid excuses for lacking in character. Below are just a few of the reasons someone who cheats may give: I was bored. It just happened. I was in the wrong place and they were just there. I was drunk. It was a chemical attraction and I couldn't fight it. It was just one time. It didn't mean a thing. It wasn't personal, it was strictly physical. All of these "reasons" do not excuse the violation and they are an unconvincing justification for breaking a huge trust. There are two schools of thoughts held by people regarding this subject matter. I will call them Type Z and Type L. Type Z will say things like, 'Hey, it's bad, but all guys cheat and most women think of it even if they don't act on it. Anyone who says they haven't cheated is lying.' This group may tend to think strip clubs, pornography and gawking at another man or woman in the presence of their loved one is okay and it really shouldn't bother their loved one. If it does bother them, then their partner needs to 'just get over it' and that it's their partners' problem, not theirs. They usually like "Girls Gone Wild" (or videos of that nature) and think nothing of having the entire series for regular viewing. They are not generally close to their family or have many close friends. That is not to say they don't love their family or interact with them or that they don't have a bunch of superficial friends who generally speaking hold the same views as they do. While Type Z may brag about being great in bed, they often hold a higher opinion of their skills than their partner does. Then there is Type L. They say, 'Cheating is wrong and not all men or women cheat or even think of cheating.' This group usually has stable relationships and is close to their family. Their friends are close knit and invest quality time together whenever possible Type L tend to enjoy movies that do not have a lot of graphic sex scenes in them and they are generally great care givers in bed. Do you see the pattern? The most common mistake that men or women make once they find out their partner has cheated, is to ignore the situation or pass it off as "it wasn't a personal thing." While the cheating partner may believe it wasn't personal, it becomes personal because it deeply affects the non-cheating partner. Additionally, the cheating partner has exposed their "loved one" to life threatening diseases such as AIDS. When you love someone would you risk their life by exposing them to dangerous sexually transmitted diseases? Some of these diseases can be rampant, going without detection. One such STD is the Human Papillomavirus, more commonly known as "genital warts." The U.S. Dept of Health stated the following: "Human Papillomavirus (HPV) is one of the most common causes of sexually transmitted infection (STI) in the world...Many people infected with HPV have no symptoms. High-risk HPV may cause abnormal Pap smear results, and could lead to cancers of the cervix, vulva, vagina, anus, or penis." Men and women that cheat have serious issues of insecurity they must address and tend to be adrenaline junkies in constant need for excitement. If you have found out your partner is or has cheated, several things need to be done and addressed immediately. The first is for your health concerns; you will need to be tested for various forms of STD including AIDS. Check with your health care professional about the frequency. Just because a condom may have been used, does not mean you are completely safe. If your partner says to you, "The other person is safe" don't trust it! They have already lied to you and cheated, why would you trust them with your safety? After you have been tested, seek out counseling, whether or not you are going to stay with the offender. Your counselor will be able to help you determine whether or not, "I'm sorry" will keep your relationship in tact. While you may forgive your partner, sadly you will never forget what they did. If you decide to stay together, you will need to address this issue in counseling. It is imperative that you do to help avoid the "cheating" word being thrown about in future heated moments or bursts of anger. Many people believe, once a cheater, always a cheater, but that is something you'll need to decide on your own. Here is something for you to think about: If a relationship has cheating in it, where will it end up? Many end up in the trash or divorce court. One of the worst mistakes the non-cheating partner can do is to blame themselves. You are not responsible for the other person's actions or 'indiscretions.' That is why counseling or seeking wise counsel is important. If you feel your partner has cheated the best thing to do is ask. If you've spent some time with your partner you may be able to read the signs right away. Don't assume someone is cheating, because there may be other things going on in their life that have them distracted. However, don't wait to ask if you have a nagging suspicion or it will eat you up inside and will eventually lead to hostility aimed at your partner. Ask now and then if you don't feel you have gotten an honest answer, you might want to look into other methods that might help you get to the truth. Sadly, if a person has a predilection for cheating there is nothing the non-cheating person can do to stop them. It's a choice they must make for themselves. A stable, happy relationship is what most people seek out, but they don't come easily or without work. One of the keys to happy relationship in the future is to learn about each other and develop deep communication skills. This will take practice, learning together and investing time on a regular basis with each other. Another key? Laughing together Side note: The National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago published a survey in 2002 that stated 22 percent of men cheat. One more thing to think about; someone caught stealing is rarely sorry because they stole, they are only sorry because they were caught. About the Author Jaci Rae is a #1 Best Selling author of Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time. Book Jaci for your next show: and hit contact button for her publicist.
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Break-up Excuses For Sale
So what excuses have you heard from your cheating partner?
If you lived in China, you could pretty well be hearing a paid break-up excuse from a little know shop called Toufu. They sell common excuses for marriage and relationship break-ups starting at $200US. Discounts are available if more than one excuse are purchased at one time.
A spokesman said: "Our break-up excuses can minimise suffering, and we can even make up excuses for people who want to date in secret without arousing the suspicions of their mates." - PR-inside.com
They can only guarantee the excuse will be well-received, but not that it would work.
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It has relevance and I found your post to be very interesting. thanks!