Marriage counseling expert Nancy Wasson, Ph.D. states that the long-term success of many marriages may largely depend on how the partners handle conflict within the relationship.
Wasson and her husband Lee Hefner have created a free short Internet video designed to help partners lessen the risk of an affair, marriage separation and eventual divorce resulting from repeated heated arguments in a relationship.
"Our movie Seasons of Love is intended to inspire and encourage people to have more self awareness in how they respond to their partner during conflict in a relationship," says Dr. Wasson.
She continues by saying that viewers of the movie often have an "aha moment" when they realize that they have more power than they ever imagined before about charting the future of their relationship.
"The viewer response has been tremendous from all over the world from people who want a better relationship," states Wasson. Seasons of Love may be viewed for free on the web site
SeasonsOfLoveMovie.com.
"One of the most tragic eventual results when spouses fight again and again can be marriage separation or divorce," says Dr. Wasson. "But if the couple learns some simple techniques, they can sometimes stop divorce and save the marriage even when they've had marital problems for some time."
Wasson maintains that flaring tempers in a disagreement often trigger partners to say things to each other leading to an escalating spiral of conflict. And if the couple doesn't know how to recover from the hurt feelings and smoldering resentment such arguments often produce, the long-term result may be a slippery slope to marriage counseling, marital separation, and finally divorce.
"But it doesn't have to happen," claims Wasson. "I hear upset spouses say, 'He pushes my buttons and makes me lose my temper.' But the truth is, no one else can 'make' you lose your temper. That is your choice."
Dr. Wasson points out that there is a challenge as well as an opportunity when dealing with the conflict in a marriage. "Realize that between the stimulus of your partner's critical remarks and your angry response, there's a gap in which you can make a decision about how to respond."
Dr. Wasson adds that watching the movie is an important first step in learning to minimize conflict during a disagreement with a spouse.
She says that subsequent steps include:
1. First clarify that you fully understand what's going on by asking non-judgmental questions. Try to listen for the meaning and intent behind your partner's words and actions instead of just focusing on the words. For example you might ask, "Did you really want to go to that party next week or did you just accept the invitation for us because you felt obligated to your friend?"
2. When it becomes evident that you and your partner disagree, ask yourself, "Would I rather be happy instead of being right in this case?" If you remember how much you value love and harmony in your relationship, you may decide to sometimes concede to your partner's wishes, even if you would have taken a different approach.
3. If you find yourself feeling hot under the collar, first take ten deep breathes before you angrily respond to your mate. This will give you time to collect your thoughts and think of the big picture and how you want your relationship to be, not on how you're feeling in that moment.
4. Finally, when you answer look for common ground that you both agree on before stating your objection, using a softening statement. You might say, "Honey, I know that it's important to both of us to have a social life, but I really have to do some work at home that's going to make it difficult for me to go to that party."
Dr. Wasson concludes by saying, "One of the keys to having a great marriage is to remember what you really value in your relationship and to think twice before you respond with anger to your mate."
Nancy Wasson, Ph.D., is the co-creator of Overcome Control Conflict with Your Spouse or Partner: What to Do if Your Mate Says You're Too Controlling OR if You're Tired of Being Controlled, available at
www.ControllingSpouse.com.
She and her husband Lee Hefner also created the free movie Seasons of Love, available at
www.SeasonsOfLoveMovie.com, which is designed to help couples develop more self awareness.
In addition, she is the co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says 'I Don't Love You Anymore!' and offers a free weekly marriage advice newsletter at
www.KeepYourMarriage.com.
Birmingham, AL (
PRWEB) May 7, 2007
