When it comes to relationships there is a common concept that there comes a point in terms of time when both individuals start to wonder what they are doing in the relationship. This is a difficult time for both of the people as individually, and especially for the two of them as a couple; fights break out incessantly and the temptation to cheat becomes a major player. This period of the relationship is commonly known in relationship-lore as the seven-year itch.
This is in fact a real phenomenon, although it affects every person and every couple differently and to different extents. Also, the "seven-year" designation isn't terribly scientific, but it's on-the-mark more often than you might expect. Another factor that will be specific to the couple involved is the time period. In fact, five years is probably a little more accurate, with the "itch" occurring most commonly between the fifth and seventh year of a given relationship -- sometimes lasting the two years in between.
Why is there an itch in the first place?
The itch may occur for a few different reasons. The first reason would simply be our biological makeup as Homo-Sapiens. We are naturally given to change, and so long times spent in one particular situation will make us curious as to how things could be different. Also, and despite our best efforts, we're still subject to the instincts and urges all animals experience, though we have the means to combat those urges with our brain-power.
A high comfort level within the relationship can, believe it or not, also contribute to the itch's occurance. Comfort can sometimes lead to a feeling of the mundane; what used to be exciting has now become predictable. Throw into the mix the fact that most couples have experienced some major shifts in their lives in the first five years of a relationship (career beginnings, promotions, the purchase of a home, the arrival of one or more babies) and you can see how the focus may be shifted away from maintaining the relationship.
Overcoming the itch
This is a difficult time for any couple, because there are always thoughts about what could have been. Both parties are going to under a lot of stress.
The most important strategy in overcoming the itch is to communicate as a couple. Don't shut down, and don't stop sharing due to fear of a fight. A lot of couples will find that counseling is useful at this point in their relationship.
If you do go for counseling, be ready to accept that it is a process. Most counselors are not able to find a magic solution right away, and the sessions can be difficult for both individuals. Try not to let what is said in front of the counselor spill over after the session. A lot of couples will find that they are united through their interaction with the counselor; smiling a lot and reflecting on past good times can help to overcome the feelings of alienation from each other that the itch brings on.
Going through a rough patch in a relationship is typical. In fact, it is so common that the worst spots have actually been labeled. If you are committed to your relationship, it is important to talk through the period known as the seven year itch and be prepared to hang in as long as it takes.
About the Author
Alex Daniels consults for an online gift shop offering
groomsmen "gifts for him" as well as unique wedding favors. Alex is recently married.
